We’re not being cynical here. But there’s no denying the fact that the following facts about love and relationships are inconveniently true.
It’s so easy to get bogged down in the near spiritual concept of love that seems prevalent in the music and publishing industries. But let’s face it, things are rarely that perfect, even though we might want them to be. Life has a habit of throwing us a curve ball, and if we aren’t prepared for the truth, if we wander blissfully through the wooded glades of romance, confident that love will conquer all, then that’s when it usually hits you right between the eyes. And rose tinted glasses won’t be of any help at all!
The truth about love, dating and relationships
Now, I know there will be people out there who are entirely in disagreement with this summation of love and relationships, but the figures speak for themselves. Divorce rates are rising all the time, even in those regions of the world that are religiously or culturally opposed to it, and it would be foolish to suggest that every single one of these couples didn’t believe themselves to be in love at some point during their relationships.
The fact is that life just caught up with them. Things changed, whether due to external stresses or to parts of their own nature that they had somehow suppressed at the beginning. But what are these triggers that lead to a relationship deteriorating? Well readers, that is exactly what we intend to look at in the following list.
#1 Money matters. It’s such a silly little thing, but money is one of the main reasons that relationships dissolve. And money should really have its own sub-headings, as there are so many aspects to it that can be the cause of a breakdown. Paying the bills, for instance, just the daily struggle of dealing with the financial side of life can place a great strain on a relationship – especially when there is difficulty in making ends meet.
But there are other aspects to the money matter also. When one of the couple is earning more than the other, for example, this can lead to jealousy, pride or resentment, or where there is disagreement on how to allocate, divide and spend money. There’s no point in denying that money has always caused issues when it comes to maintaining successful relationships of any ilk, and having an awareness of this factor is essential in taking a relationship forward.
#2 The end of the honeymoon. We all start a relationship in what is known as the honeymoon period, that time when we walk in a dream and see hearts and stars every time we open our eyes or take a breath. But equally, we all ditch that honeymoon period at some point to start dealing with real life again. The problem occurs because the time when the honeymoon period finishes rarely happens at the same time for both halves of the couple in question.
With one still deeply in fairy tale love and the other having passed on into a worldlier place, they can start to question each other’s intentions. One is thinking, “Why doesn’t my partner love me anymore?” while the other is pondering the question, “What do I have to do to make my partner happy?” Not a recipe for success, and a part of the relationship that one needs to be aware of to ensure its survival.
#3 The mid-life itch. An amalgamation of the two terms “mid-life crisis” and “seven-year-itch,” both describing seemingly similar points in the relationship, where either *if not both* of the people in the relationship are feeling dissatisfaction with the way their life has turned out. There could be a feeling that the person in question feels they should be doing more with their lives: driving Route 66 on a Harley or helping dig wells in sub-Saharan Africa.
Sometimes, the mood passes, and other times it doesn’t, with the latter leading to a break up if agreement isn’t met between the two involved. There might not be any particular reason for the mid-life itch. It just seems that there are natural rhythms to a relationship where these things will occasionally find a way out.
As long as you are prepared for it and acknowledge that it may happen, with lines of communication fully open, then it may not bring the relationship to an end as certainly as it otherwise often does.
#4 Letting it all hang out. Do you remember when you were dating for the first time, and every night spent in each other’s company seemed like an adventure? Remember how much pride you took in your appearance, maybe still do, if you’re at that stage, and how carefully you groomed yourself, dressed yourself, etc.?
Well, this phase really is unlikely to last, and if you were particularly drawn during the initial stages to your partner’s appearance, the attractiveness that they seemed to so effortlessly project, then you’d prepare yourself for the awful truth – at some point in the relationship, you’re going to catch them in track pants and a misshapen gray t-shirt, and the frequency with which this will occur will increase year by year.
Once a couple gets comfortable in each other’s presence, they will inevitably let themselves go somewhat, and they may unfortunately find that their attraction levels for each other begin to decrease exponentially. Probably the best way to deal with this so that it doesn’t affect the relationship in future years is to agree, whilst still in the honeymoon period, to point it out to the other if this does indeed begin to happen. A pact of genial cooperation to keep the home fires burning.
#5 Sex and the pity. No matter how much the earth moved for you during those exciting early days of dating, when sex took on a whole new meaning, bedroom activities will take a rather more mechanical feeling over time than you are used to. You may shake your head in absolute denial at this, but it is a fact.
You will fall into routines that describe the frequency of the sex, the duration, the kind of positions you use, and it may all become more of a chore than a joy. You can do something about this with a little willing conversation and effort, but blinkering yourself to the reality will not help the love you once had continue to thrive.
#6 The true you. Sometimes, the honeymoon period itself and the effort you take to maintain it is your very worst enemy. We tend to make a rather large effort during the early days of dating to present our very best side to the object of our affections. Over time, however, the hidden side to a person’s character will slowly but surely emerge, and you may both start having to deal with someone you thought you were in love with but actually didn’t really know.
This means having to familiarize yourselves with each other all over again, and with the honeymoon period now firmly behind you, it will be a far more difficult process than it was previously. Not an unassailable issue, but one that definitely deserves recognition if you’re to go forward with a relationship you feel is worth keeping.
Love can last forever, but living in a cloud isn’t going to help when it comes to life’s rockier roads. Understanding the hard truths of a relationship is the only way to survive its pitfalls.